Anger Arising from Fear

So, the Australian dollar is doing really well right? Jolly well, over the US dollar, which has been our benchmark for so long.  It is a bonus for anyone travelling overseas right now. Now quite so great in comparison to the Sterling Pound however. They still have some fiscal strength in the UK even if the economy is going down the drain!

The money market is a singular oddity. There are those who spend their entire life measuring the foreign exchange rates and making heaps of money when the dollars go up… or is it down

If, like me, you are unlikely to punt the entire superannuation account on the value of the dollar, then you would be encouraged, perhaps by the delayed delight, of the real understanding that finance does not make the world go round!

Once you have endured a few decades of life you realise that there are certain undeniable truths, most of which lie outside the realm of finance. Most people do not go to the grave wishing they had made more money. I recently read a book about the Five Greatest Regrets of the Dying which listed fairly predictable regrets.  But none of them involve making more money or spending more time working. Mostly they involve not taking ourselves so seriously!

So why do we not value the real currency of life which supersedes all others? Why do we not treat others, even in dire circumstances, with gentleness and understanding? Which is just a variation of love.

I have in mind the hyper-aggressive ‘discussions/negotiations’ between separating partners. So much of what passes as ‘friendly agreement’ is actually from the ego, which deals always from a justifiable SURVIVAL mode.

When one realises (deeply realises) that ALL ANGER ARISES FROM FEAR, then one can look at another’s anger and ask what is it they fear most? Is it loss of face? Loss of respect, being taken down in some way?  That one’s future is being compromised?

Then something happens. You can give the other what they truly need, rather than what they demand (probably through lawyers!) But giving up one’s limiting view of another’s motivation is hard. The  ego does not easily let go of the justification of its own position!

When my mother died in Ireland, several years ago, my sisters quickly took opposing positions on several issues. Truly, I mourned the loss of my mother, but it was difficult to understand and sympathise with the justification of each sister’s position and yet side with neither of them.  From somewhere I chose to love them both through their separate turmoils. As is mostly the case, the turmoil arose from the terms of mother’s will ( and fairly history). But I chose to let each have their view and love and hope that time would deal with it. Was I weak? Maybe, but I did not feel weak when I put my foot down about central points, and yet let other points go past. After all, the love between us was more important, both to me and to my poor mother.

So the true currency of life is forgiveness, kindness and love.  I mistrust gurus who say that Love is  everything. Alone it is not enough. It has to have Forgiveness and Kindness to mean anything. It is easy to love people who conform to your view of life. It is more important to find a space in your heart for others’ faults and still love and forgive them. Money truly does not matter.

I recall one period of my life where I was really wealthy, in financial and material terms. I can still hear myself telling my girlfriends that I had “everything money can buy” but I also recall the feeling of sadness that accompanied those words.  Then, as now, I would have happily traded what I had for tenderness, kindness and love.

(But I recall also something I heard when Elle Macpherson was beginning her career. They said she was ‘beautiful, intelligent and rich, but is she happy?’ My response was ” Of course she’s bloody happy, don’t be ridiculous!”)

So while we are all loving the world in forgiveness and kindness, just realise that we have to go to our respective corners with a sense of self respect, after all! What that means is we have to find a way to give others what they need and hold out for what we truly need. But need is determined not by our ego, but by our humanity. After all, we are not the highest of the animals……. But the lowest of the angels! It pays to think of the Eternal when dealing with the World.

Blessings

Maura