What happens when a beautiful woman reaches 50? Or 60? God forbid she should wake up one day and find she is 70! We make jokes about growing old disgracefully but we overlook what happens to someone who, for their whole lives, have been thought of and spoken of as ‘beautiful’.
It is a big shock to have to re-invent yourself at menopause. The idea that everyone goes through it so you should be able to ‘get over it!’ is unfair to those who have been beautiful all their lives. I speak at my seminars about true beauty coming from the soul, etc but we all know that even if we don’t live it day to day. We praise our pretty children and quite obviously NOT praise the more ‘homely’, as they say in the US. Unless we know they have other attributes that can honestly be praised instead.
And that creates a monster problem, both for the pretty one and the clever one, which latter girl is condemned to exercise her brain her whole life but can never really meet the standard of the beautiful one. Know anyone like that?
But time fixes all that. Wits last, looks don’t. Now there are women everywhere who have been told they are beautiful, have entered beauty contests, some from an early age, and it is about to be taken from them by those twin perils, time and gravity.
Unless you, and it may so easily be you, take time out to deal with the crisis of looming middle then old age. How to manage it? Firstly take stock.
No one has everything. What do you have? We all know too well what we don’t have, so no use going there all the time. They say happiness consists of: something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. A lot of women think someone to love means a husband/partner/lover but friends and children can also fulfill this role.
There is no shortage of ‘something to do’ in this world but if your days are idle, then find someone to help at least. My life is way too busy right now so if I sound a tad unsympathetic to those with idle hours, I assure you it’s just envy.
Where I’m really going with this is to a place where all women, even the pretty ones, can find that age is a bonus, a treat, an unexpected gift. No one is going to expect you to carry all the shopping if you have company. No one is going to insist you wear a bikini ( on the grounds of public safety, I have always avoided them; don’t want a riot of protest). No one is going to expect you to be an adept at computers, the fact that you can email or text seems to satisfy most people.
So there are whole areas of life we don’t have to deal with if we really don’t want to. I dropped a packet in the supermarket the other day. Picking things up off the floor is one of the remaining challenges from my back operation. I simply looked helplessly at a passing customer half my age and she very kindly sprang into action to help the ‘old dear’ as I smiled my thanks. See? That was easy. She doesn’t need to knowI am capable of instant life and death decisions in the clinic, along as I am content to let her feel useful for a moment!
Words become ever more important as we get older and deal with life changes, like menopause, but there are many others. Words should be spoken with more care since we are past the age of blurting out whatever crosses our diminishing minds! Forgiving an older woman for an unintended slur is hard. Best not to go there in the first place. Besides, a silence is often the best retort when things are hot, conversationally, that is.
Freedom to be who you want to be only comes after you have given the young years to your parents by way of educational effort, then the middle years you give to your children as a parent, the rest are for…. You!
If you have had the blessing of true beauty when younger, then for Heaven’s sake don’t give up now on dressing well, good make-up and losing weight. Which, by the way, is the same for us all, whether good looking or otherwise.
No more dowdy clothes, no more crappy shoes, no more cinched waists and keep those hemlines down! Sad sight at the same supermarket… The woman had obviously been given great legs and thin ankles when younger (so jealous) but forgot that as her stomach grew bigger the hemline stood out a long way from her legs and the skirt was so short I was scared she would have to bend to pick something from low down in which case she might as well not have been wearing a skirt at all! Old knees are not pretty, no matter who you are.
The best advice I ever had, which has seen me through events both tragic and wonderful, is to smile. A smile costs nothing and can mean everything. It softens the heart, uplifts the spirits and turns a sad face into a radiant one.
When there is no money, no love and no hope, then is when you need a smile. It changes lives, yours most of all.
Be well
Maura
